urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss how to leave the boy behind without having to watch him go Alli 2009-04-16T16:29:23Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:174944 2009-04-16T16:29:23Z 2009-04-16T16:29:23Z telepopmusik- just breathe it happens everyday. the littlest detail of anything reminds me of something in the past bittersweet.<br /><br />i miss my mother dearly. so so much. <br /><br />just two nights ago i was putting lotion on my legs and i remembered how she used to ask me to do this for her when she no longer could. and it hit me. while i may not be a spitting image of my mom, i am 95% exactly like her. same legs, feet, hands, body, nose. she was one of my best friends. the scent of her is still with me. <br /><br />i can remember her laugh. her cry. her mischievous self. i miss her. i lay awake at night thinking about her. thinking about how much i could be enjoying with her. how much i wish she were with me. and how much people take their parents for granted. some nights, i cant even sleep unless i grab one of the stuffed animals i gave her and sleep with it. its comforting. almost false comfort, but better than nothing. <br /><br />i dont think i could ever tell my dad about this and about how much i think about her. it would devastate him. he's already having hard enough time having lost his soulmate. i couldnt tell him how depressed i get over it.<br /><br />xoxo. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:174608 2009-01-23T22:37:24Z 2009-01-23T22:37:24Z royksopp its nights like last night that i'm really happy that i'm single.<br /><br />i dont deal with bullshit from anyone. i dont have to worry about impressing guys. <br /><br />as much as i wish i had a significant other, i would much rather be alone than be with a boy that is just going to make me suffer and play games with me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:174412 2009-01-18T02:19:39Z 2009-01-18T02:19:39Z val emmich and its over. no more. nothing left. he's back to her. and i meant nothing. all he did was lie.<br /><br />oh well. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:174193 2008-12-09T19:37:47Z 2008-12-09T19:37:47Z john legend- quickly the more and more i get to know him, the more and more i like him.<br /><br />its just unfortunate that he's in love with a girl that treats him so badly. and he doesn't deserve it at all.<br /><br />trying to get him to see how good he and i could be, is probably just a waste of time. or maybe its not and i just have to be patient. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:174070 2008-11-20T23:36:52Z 2008-11-20T23:36:52Z royksopp <pre> Living on my guard (guarded) Wind is on my neck (fateless) Sun is on my face (have courage) Beautiful day without you (ah) Like rays of gold (I honestly can) Now can I (forget the pain) Living on my guard (guarded) Wind is on my neck (fateless) Sun is on my face (have courage) Beautiful day without you (without you) Feeling spoiled In this world Fighting beliefs Now can I I Know My Tragedy Notion took about Still I wonder how Morning after rain Clear away the pain Then after all When all are gone It's plain to see Just who we are In the light of hate The way we talk Enacting shame Causing harm Defend yourself And keep your guard We realize We belong apart 'Cause we entice We've got ways of knowing Living on my guard (guarded) Wind is on my neck (fateless) Sun is on my face (have courage) Beautiful day without you (ah) Like rays of gold (in all this decay) How can I (forget the pain) Living on my guard (guarded) Wind is on my neck (fatheless) Sun is on my face (have courage) Beautiful day without you (without you) Feeling spoiled in this world Fighting beliefs Now can I When I'm alone And all are gone The painted leaves Onto the sun In the light of god I see myself Improving things Oh every day The open sky The breathing stars When .... Come In a world apart 'Cause in these times There's no way of knowing Living on my guard (guarded) Wind is on my neck (fateless) Sun is on my face (have courage) Beautiful day without you (ah) Like rays of gold (in all this decay) How can I (forget the pain) Living on my guard (guarded) Wind is on my neck (fateless) Sun is on my face (have courage) A beautiful day without you (without you) And still I'm spoiled Feeling refined This beautiful day Makes me sigh...</pre><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:173645 2008-11-13T14:59:26Z 2008-11-13T14:59:26Z emily haines- dr blind i know myself too well. i knew this would happen. i knew i would let my emotions out too quickly. in an instant.<br /> <br /> i should stop listening to my mind and listen to my heart. granted, he warned me before it all began, yet i still was entranced and made a fool of myself. now i'm stuck with this feeling of rejection, disgust, and ugliness. <br /> <br /> for once i want to be loved. i want to put a spell on a boy the way other girls are able to do and have him be so in love with me that our love wont even have words to describe how it feels.<br /> <br /> i'm such a hopeless romantic. i'm way too emotional for my own good. i give my feelings and love too easily. i am too amazing of an individual and very few know that. i do not know how else to be.<br /> <br /> for such a long time i had a wire around my heart. after my mom died, it became a barbed wire.&nbsp; this boy was able to get through it. with his words, his mannerisms, his actions. i need to tie the wire back together. <br /> <br /> i guess its ok that he cut a bit of it. maybe i needed someone else to remind me that i need to keep this barbed wire around me. and that i need to be alone. as much as it hurts to be alone, feeling rejected and disgusting is much worse.<br /> <br /> here's to another 8+ months of solitude. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:173455 2008-09-09T05:00:52Z 2008-09-09T05:00:52Z the sound of her voice. almost 2 months since her death. to be completely accurate though, it has been 2 months since her cardio respiratory arrest i.e. she stopped breathing and her heart stopped.<br /><br />i found tapes she used to record her voice and random phone calls on. i also found music she used to record from the radio.<br /><br />its been about 5 years since i last heard her voice. its so wonderful to hear it now.<br /><br />these conversations are 7 years old. i found one that she and i had. its the only one i have found thus far. i remember having that conversation with her. <br /><br />i'm such an insomniac. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:173195 2008-07-08T21:25:23Z 2008-07-08T21:25:23Z silence. dead disco.<br /><br />all i have left are the memories.<br /><br />&lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:172853 2008-06-25T00:26:42Z 2008-06-25T00:26:42Z la oreja de van gogh could it be? am i finally over it?<br /><br />i think so. <br /><br />i still think of him a lot. but, i'm better than that. i'm better than him.<br /><br />this girl has a lot of loving left in her!!!<br /><br />hehe<br /><br /><br />i wouldnt say i'm 100% happy. i'm still in pain from other things. what a "wild wild world" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:172750 2008-04-14T22:28:24Z 2008-04-14T22:28:24Z silence. This semester has been one of the most intense times of my life. Handling school, along with finally deciding that being a doctor is not necessarily what i want from life has been crazy.<br /><br />i have gone two years pursuing the pre med track. i am three classes and one lab away from finishing my pre med pre requisites. do i care? no. did i waste these two years? no. better two years in, than 8 years in. <br /><br />thus i am going with my original plan. i am a people pleaser. i want to help people. that is what i want. i want to work with people. there are many careers that do just that. i thought that doctor was the only one. i was naive.<br /><br />i am at UF now. i have been looking at other majors here, and nothing has really struck me as interesting except maybe political science. but i dont know if i necessarily want to take all of those classes. i could do business, but i wouldnt be able to do it here.<br /><br />so i am looking elsewhere. possibly transferring schools. half of the people i know tell me to stay here. "a degree from UF is much better than a degree from any other florida school." yes, but in the end, if UF does not have what i think i may want, whats the point? If i'm going to do better at another school, then why stay here and risk my grades falling even more?<br /><br />i have so much to decide in such little time. at least i came to realize this now, and not in the middle of the year. i just wish that i would have switched last year when i truly wanted to.<br /><br />now i'm just searching for happiness. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:172504 2008-03-23T13:57:27Z 2008-03-23T13:57:27Z television &nbsp;And so it is <br />Just like you said it would be <br />Life goes easy on me <br />Most of the time <br />And so it is <br />The shorter story <br />No love, no glory <br />No hero in her sky<br /><br />And so it is <br />Just like you said it should be <br />We'll both forget the breeze <br />Most...of the time&nbsp;<br /><br />I can't take my mind off of you <br />I can't take my mind off of you <br />I can't take my mind off of you <br />I can't take my mind off of you <br />I can't take my mind off of you <br />I can't take my mind... <br />My mind...my mind... <br />'Til I find somebody new urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:172120 2008-03-08T15:55:42Z 2008-03-08T15:55:42Z i'm back.&nbsp;<br /><br />to feeling how i did a year ago.&nbsp;<br /><br />i try to make myself feel better. find ways to convince myself i'm making the right choices, the right major for me. yet, i keep getting pushed to the ground and my&nbsp;dreams of success seem to&nbsp;be coming to an end.<br /><br />i dont know what to do anymore.&nbsp; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:172015 2008-02-07T13:42:47Z 2008-02-07T13:42:47Z great expectations soundtrack &nbsp;hell week #1: almost over.<br /><br />my birthday is tomorrow. and after 10:20 last night, i decided i was not as excited as i was a few days ago.<br /><br />just one month until spring break. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:171681 2008-02-01T05:05:40Z 2008-02-01T05:05:40Z bob sinclair my mother got her feeding tube today.<br /><br />the doctors had been telling her to get one for over a year now, and she finally gave&nbsp;in because she didnt want to starve to death. she is so strong. even now.<br /><br />he makes me feel&nbsp;great. takes me away from the sadness that exists in my life. i finally have an equal balance. he has given me that&nbsp;equilibrium. in chem terms, it was once before just a one way rxn, but now the arrow is balanced.<br /><br />i feel loved. very loved.<br /><br />birthday=one week. &nbsp; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:171476 2008-01-23T14:57:31Z 2008-01-23T14:57:31Z the cardigans &nbsp;i realized i had settled. there wasn't that initial infatuation that&nbsp;i usually feel.<br /><br />i have that now. i had it a year ago. now, its still here. and so, a new flower has sprouted.<br /><br />good things come to those who wait. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:171114 2007-12-27T19:47:40Z 2007-12-27T19:47:40Z tv <p>define home.<br /><br />my home doesnt fit my definition.</p> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:170970 2007-12-27T01:54:10Z 2007-12-27T01:54:10Z i love&nbsp; that some people still post on lj. it takes me back to high school.&nbsp;<br /><br />merry late christmas everyone. i hope it was enjoyable and everyone got what they asked for.<br /><br />&amp;hearts; urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:170678 2007-12-15T20:46:06Z 2007-12-15T20:46:06Z across the universe &nbsp;boys will be boys. i'm never satisfied. i ask for a good guy. be careful what you wish for.&nbsp;<br /><br />hes a good guy. just really annoying.<br /><br />i just want to be single. and i dont want boys to pursue me. i just honestly want to chill. i'd rather have guy friends. it makes my life so much easier. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:170385 2007-12-11T17:41:09Z 2007-12-11T17:41:09Z armor for sleep- somebody else's arms &nbsp;i've known him for 3 weeks.<br /><br />as of right now his only personality flaw: texts every 5 minutes. feels the need to see what i'm doing every second of my day. cannot go 2 hours without talking to me.<br /><br />its getting kind of annoying.....<br /><br />p.s.<br />why is it soooooo cold in starbucks and the library?!?!?! oh wait, its because its 82 degrees outside! thats probably why urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:170196 2007-11-30T04:52:02Z 2007-11-30T04:52:02Z street symphony &nbsp;i wasn't supposed to grow up so quickly.<br /><br />even my 22 year old brother seems like a child to me.<br /><br />i guess this is life. this is what has been decided for me urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:169765 2007-11-28T16:54:32Z 2007-11-28T16:54:32Z dance floor anthem i'm&nbsp; confused. it doesnt make any sense.<br /><br />in a way, i'm afraid that maybe this is all a joke. or that i'm making myself go for it because i'm lonely.&nbsp;<br /><br />he is cute. he is&nbsp;sweet.&nbsp;he is a genuinely nice guy. but thats what&nbsp;i said about my "ex."<br /><br />i didnt think he was cute when i first met him, but i got to know him and thought he was great. the same is happening with this one.<br /><br />ahh! why&nbsp;can't i just keep to myself for once? i dont know what i want anymore.<br /><br />"i dont want to be in love." i just want to chill. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:169680 2007-11-17T16:12:43Z 2007-11-17T16:12:43Z omarion &nbsp;i'm finally content.&nbsp;<br /><br />but my heart now is just a block of ice. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:169161 2007-10-25T16:34:31Z 2007-10-25T16:34:31Z fast times at ridgemont high &nbsp;how come boys break up with me in this method: silence.<br /><br />they dont tell me. they just stop talking to me. that REALLY is worse than speaking the truth.&nbsp;<br /><br />UGH! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:168850 2007-10-22T12:57:56Z 2007-10-22T12:57:56Z a fine frenzy &nbsp;<div style="PADDING-RIGHT: 6px; PADDING-LEFT: 6px; PADDING-BOTTOM: 6px; PADDING-TOP: 6px; FONT-FAMILY: Arial"><font style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: #ffffff" face="Berlin Sans FB" color="#800080" size="2">Your fingertips across my skin, <br />the palm trees swaying in the wind <br />images <br />You sang me spanish lullabies, <br />the sweetest sadness in your eyes <br />clever trick <br /><br />I'd never want to see you unhappy, <br />I thought you'd want the same for me <br /><br />Goodbye my almost lover <br />Goodbye my hopeless dream <br />I'm trying not to think about you <br />Can't you just let me be? <br />So long my luckless romance <br />My back is turned on you <br />I should have known you'd bring me heartache, almost lovers always do <br /><br />We walked along a crowded street <br />You took my hand and danced with me <br />images <br />And when you left you kissed my lips<br />you told me you would never <br />ever forget these images, no <br /><br />I'd never want to see you unhappy <br />I thought you'd want the same for me <br /><br />I cannot go to the ocean <br />I cannot drive the streets at night <br />I cannot wake up in the morning <br />without you on my mind <br />So you're gone and i'm haunted <br />and i'll bet you are just fine, <br />Did i make it that easy to walk right in and out <br />of my life? <br /></font></div> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:thislastkiss:168679 2007-10-17T23:31:01Z 2007-10-17T23:31:01Z damien rice- silent night i feel used.<br /><br />end of story.